


"You're the one Buffy"

by thewakeless



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 10 Years, Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Freeform, Christmas Fic Exchange 2019, Dialogue Heavy, Domestic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:42:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21922372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewakeless/pseuds/thewakeless
Summary: Phil Lester, and his ethereal, eternal, and (at times) all-consuming affection for Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Frequently featuring a certain whiny and jealous boyfriend.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 36
Kudos: 47
Collections: Phandom Fic Fests Holiday Exchange 2019





	"You're the one Buffy"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [palomeheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/palomeheart/gifts).



> This fic is probably incoherent if you have not watched Buffy the vampire slayer. 
> 
> TW: Rape mention in the sectioned titled 2011 (relating to something that happened on the show, not to dnp)

2009

Dan entered the room with an involuntary reverence. He had seen it so many times. In videos, in Skype calls, but being there IRL was something else entirely. He wanted to soak it in, every poster and picture, every piece of clothing and miscellaneous object. He stood in the doorway surveying everything from the Kill Bill poster, to the row of shiny skater belts in the corner, and finally the very welcoming bed, at the end of which Phil sat.

"Well?"

He took his first step in. "It's quite busy." The walls were papered with things Phil loved. Posters of bands, and movies, and Buffy. A lot of Buffy. 

"I feel like it's what the inside of my brain would look like."

Dan laughed. "Emos and Buffy?"

He laughed. "No, cause that implies Buffy isn't emo."

"Is she?"

"Mmm," he seemed to consider it. "Season 6 Buffy is emo, she just needed a bit of hair dye."

Dan laughed and inched his way towards the bed. He could feel the rush of blood to his head. They were alone together, like properly alone, like he had dreamed about so many times. He sat down next to him on the bed, looking out at the giant cardboard-cut-out of Sarah Michelle Gellar that Phil had gotten in university. "Why do you like her so much?" he asked, trying to keep his mind off the shrinking distance between their bodies.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah. Is she like your Liza Minelli?"

"Mmmm... maybe? I don't know. She's a lot of things I wanted to be when I was growing up."

"Like?"

"Brave."

"I mean you’re inviting a complete stranger into your bedroom, I'd say that's pretty brave," said Dan with a cheeky smile.

"And funny."

"You're funny."

"Only you think so."

"No, me and like 100,000 people. Okay, but what else?"

"She's like –" he was quiet for a moment, searching for the right phrase. "Hot, men want her."

"You're kidding right?".

"No, in the show all the guys are-"

"Not about Buffy!" said Dan with exasperation. "You're hot. You just described yourself! Brave, pretty, hot, desired by men," without quite thinking about it his hand went onto Phil's knee. 

"Really?"

"Really," Dan assured him. "I've never wanted anyone more," he whispered before leaning in for a kiss. He felt their bodies tilt towards each other, and there it was again, just like on the Ferris Wheel. The heat of him. The smell of him. The taste of his mouth. All overwhelming, and so much better than any daydream he could have ever conjured up. 

2010

"You understand that this is not a casual viewing experience?" said Phil as he stood in front of the TV in his first Manchester apartment. 

On the sofa in front of him, Dan groaned. "Yes, I know, I am about to witness the Holy Grail of Television."

"I mean it, Dan, no getting up for any reason, no getting extra snacks, no blow jobs. If we're watching Buffy, we have eyes only for Buffy."

Dan rolled his eyes. "Nice to know my boyfriend prefers Sarah Michelle Gellar to blow jobs."

"I don't! But each has their moment, and this is Sarah Michelle Gellar's moment, okay? And this is also your initiation into the most important piece of media of my life, so take it seriously."

"I'm _very_ serious,'' said Dan mockingly. 

"Okay, now, the first season is.... quite questionable.... but you have stick it out."

Dan snickered. "I thought you said no blow jobs."

"Dan!"

"Right, sorry, very serious, let the Buffining begin."

2011

"How can you even say that!" said Phil. 

"Because it's the only thing that makes sense."

"What? How does that make sense? He is an arrogant, cheating-"

"Well, at least he's human!" 

Phil rolled his eyes. "You can't base the romantic compatibility of two people solely on the fact that they're the same species."

"But it helps!" Dan yelled back. "Like what are she and Angel supposed to do? She's gonna grow old!"

"You know that's not who I ship her with."

Dan rolled his eyes. "Only because you like David Boreanaz and don't want to share him."

"Lies! I ship her with Spike because their dynamic is more interesting, plus he's funnier."

"He also tried to rape her..."

"Okay, that episode was messed up, and both Sarah Michelle Gellar and James Master have talked about how they feel that episode doesn't do justice to their characters and was a giant mistake."

"It is still canon."

"No! You know what's canon?"

"I swear Phil if you say "my mom" I'm gonna throw something."

"No, Riley has a wife. How can you ship him with Buffy, he's _married_."

"Oh come on! If the attempted rape doesn't count, the marriage doesn't count."

"So you're just erasing the character of his wife."

"Well someone should, that episode was crap."

"Yes, it was, but you know what else is crap? How Riley feels like he needs to be stronger than Buffy. How can you like him?"

"I'm not saying I like him! I'm saying he and Buffy were the only couple that made sense in that show. Angel was like 200 and in love with a 15-year-old! Buffy and Spike were toxic."

"Oh, and Riley and her weren't? She didn't trust him! He went to vampire hookers!" said Phil with outrage. 

They both sighed, arms crossed over their chests. "I can't believe this is what we do after sex now," said Dan quietly.

Phil laughed. "What did we do before?"

"I don't know, I guess we fell asleep."

"Arguing about Buffy's love life is much better than sleep."

"God, it is! You’ve turned me into a crazy Buffy person."

Phil kissed his cheek. "You were always a crazy Buffy person, I just unleashed it that's all."

"Okay, can we sleep now?"

"Without settling the dispute? You know what they say, never go to bed angry."

Dan rolled his eyes. "We're never gonna agree on this," he yawned. "So I'm gonna sleep, you can keep trying to justify that terrible relationship to yourself."

After a couple of minutes, Phil broke the silence, "You still awake?"

"No," said Dan turning away from him.

"I think I found a ship we'd both agree with."

Dan groaned. "Okay, what?"

"Faith. I mean from your perspective they're both human, they're close in age, like her and Riley. And from mine they have a complex history together, they have a lot of chemistry, like her and Spike, and also they look hot."

"Okay, yeah that would have been better."

Phil breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, I can sleep now." He turned in bed, spooning Dan and putting his chin on the crook of his boyfriend's shoulder. "That's another thing I loved about Buffy."

"Faith?"

"No. It was the first place I saw a loving gay relationship."

"Oh, that," Dan muttered. 

Phil kissed his shoulder. "Yeah, that."

2012

"If you could marry any celebrity who would it be?"

"Sarah Michelle Gellar," said Phil without a moment of hesitation.

Dan stared at him. "Mate, you're gay."

He laughed. "I know that! But it's Sarah Michelle Gellar."

His boyfriend blinked slowly. "So are you saying you are gay _except_ for Sarah Michelle Gellar?"

Phil looked properly disgusted. "No, I'm saying I'm gay _for_ Sarah Michelle Gellar."

Dan stared at him desperately trying to comprehend his nonsense. "Okay, so are you a lesbian for Sarah Michelle Gellar, or is Sarah Michelle Gellar the equivalent of a gay man to you?"

"Both, defiantly both."

Dan let out a scream and threw a cushion at his head. "You and your obsession with _that woman_ make no freaking sense," he said laughing as he pummelled him. 

2013

The worst part about having the flu was not the body aches, the sweating, the sneezing, or the complete inability to use his vocal cords. The worst part about getting the flue was that it forced him to sleep alone. "I don't want your plague mate," said Dan holding up his sweater over his mouth and nose to shield himself from Phil's germs. 

"In good times and in bad, in sickness and in health," said Phil in the croaking remains of a voice. "Do those words mean nothing to you?"

From the doorway, Dan laughed. "Hey, I'd be there if you had cancer or something, but not if you're suffering from a yucky cold, then it's every man for himself."

Phil let out a pathetic whine. "What kind of boyfriend are you?"

"The sensible kind," he said as he left the room and shut the door.

Phil lay back down the bed. There were used tissues on his pillow and his nightstand was full of cough drops, and teacups, and glasses of water. He grabbed his laptop and propped it on his chest. There was really only one thing to do in a time like this: seek emotional refuge in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 

After some deliberation, he chose "Something Blue" from season four. He got cozy in bed. The plot and even the script were very familiar, and yet no matter how many times he watched Buffy there was always something new to take note of. "Something Blue" for instance was one of his favorite type of episodes, the ones where magic/curses are used to make the characters behave in ways they would never do normally, and which also reveals something new about them. 

This particular episode involved Willow accidentally casting a spell that made Buffy and Skype believe they're in love and want to get married. It was funny because it seemed like the most impossible thing in the world and yet it was also really foreshadowing for their relationship which would spring up over the next couple of seasons. That was the genius of Josh Wheaton. 

He was just unwrapping a cough drop while Willow yelled at Giles when his phone vibrated. Unsurprisingly, it was Dan. 

D: watching Buffy?

P: obv

D: what epi?

P: guess

D: ugh. give me the season

P: four

D: hush

P: nope

D: the one where Faith and Buffy switch bodies

P: no, but now i wanna watch that one next

D: okay i give up

P: something blue, the one where Buffy and Spike want to get married

D: oh, lol, of course, your OTP

P: hey! you abandoned me, i can do what i want

D: you have the plague

D: i'm putting on the episode

P: something blue?

D: yeah we can co-watch it while you're in quarantine

Phil smiled. It was nice to know that even when his germs kept Dan away he still wanted to spend time with him. It was silly small things like this that really made him think that they were gonna be together forever.

P: i'll start it from the beginning so we're synchronized

D: okay, and we can watch the body switch one and hush after

P: the best of season 4

D: exactly

2014

"We can't fall asleep yet," Dan reminded him as he poked him hard on the shoulder. They were on their way to Vidcon, and if Phil fell asleep he would be majorly out of synch with California time. Phil grumbled and moved his head onto Dan's shoulder.

"Sleepy," he whispered. 

"We're in public," Dan whispered back. 

Phil tilted his head the other way leaning against the window frame instead. He was wearing a grey jumper and his hair was messy, but he looked cute, and something about not being able to tell him this was frustrating. Dan tapped his shoulder again: "You made me promise not to let you sleep."

There was a grown. "Why do you listen to me?"

"You're very persuasive."

Phil opened his eyes just to see Dan's smirk. "Okay, I'll wake up, but you have to entertain me."

Dan chuckled. "What do you expect a belly dance?"

"No, but we could play a game or something."

"Ugh, I don't know if I have the brains for that."

"Or..." Phil said in a tone Dan knew all too well. "We could watch Buffy? I downloaded all of Season 3 on my laptop."

"I guess that is the lesser of two evils," said Dan as he leaned forward and pulled Phil's laptop out of the bag. "Is _Homecoming_ in that season?"

"Yep."

"Okay, we gotta start with that, a total classic."

He grabbed his earphones and they each took one side as they propped the laptop down on Phil's food tray. He was about to start the episode when his boyfriend asked: "Do you think I'm more of a Buffy or a Cordelia?"

"What? Why would you be either one of them?"

"You told me I was like Buffy once, remember?"

Dan rolled eyes. "I was horny, I would have said you were like the pope if that would have gotten you to blow me."

"Dan, we're in public," said Phil with a little smirk. "But wait seriously, what Buffy character do you think I'm most like?"

He considered for a moment. "Truthfully, I mean your spoiled and entitled like Cordelia, but your sense of humor is more Giles, and you can also be like cute and pure like Willow, or radiate a lot of sexual prowess and confidence like Dracula in that one episode."

"So, I'm like _Corgiwidra_?"

"You did not have to make that one word, but I guess. What about me?"

He was thoughtful for a moment. "A mix of post-Angel depression Buffy and Spike when he's being nice."

"Gross."

"No, that's a good mix!"

"As good as your Corgiwidra bullshit?"

Phil laughed. "Nothing is as good as Corgiwidra," he said pointing to himself.

Dan bumped their shoulders together. "Let's just watch two tiny cheerleaders get messed up in the Slayerfest of 98."

2015

Dan walked sleepily back from the bathroom on a cold December morning. He slid under the comforter and lay down in bed, pressing his body close to Phil's and wrapping an arm around his tummy. His boyfriend a contented little sound. "It's so cold," said Dan burying his face in Phil's coconut-scented hair. 

Dan closed his eyes, easy falling into the pattern of their slow mornings. He was almost dozing off when Phil violently jerked into a sitting up position. He groaned. "What's happening?" Had he forgotten a meeting? An obligation? Someone's damn brunch party?

"I dreamt!" said Phil in a very far off voice. 

Dan jawed. "What did you dream about Phil?"

"I dreamt that- oh my god," he giggled, running a hand through his hair. "Wait I gotta get my glasses, sit up Dan!"

"It's sooooo early!" Dan whined, but nevertheless, he did so.

Phil had put on his glasses, and he had that weird kind of energy that possessed sometimes when he had the idea for a new YouTube project or wanted to try something unusual in bed. "Okay, what was your dream about it?"

"It was so weird Dan, so, so, weird. And oddly vivid."

"Okay."

"So – I was in Sunnydale, and I was wearing Angel's outfit, but I knew it wasn't my outfit, and I knew it looked weird on me and-"

"Wait – you dreamt about Buffy?"

"It gets better."

Dan sighed. "Okay."

"And I'm wandering around the school, and then I open a locker and inside it like this shinny ring and then there's this voice of like a demon or something and it tells me I have to take the ring to like this cave. And on my way there Buffy finds me, and I have to battle her, but I'm like also telling her how awesome she is, and she's like a bit confused cause of my gayness."

They laughed. "What did you say that sounded so gay?"

"I complimented her boots."

"Boots over boobs, a true homosexual philosopher."

"Shut up! Okay, so I escape from her, and then I'm in this weird forest running, and kinda like Edward Cullen jumping from tree to tree-"

"Oh, so it's really a vampire compilation-"

"Shhh... and then I get to like this cave behind these big boulders. And there are all these symbols on them, and I remember that Giles had taught me how to decipher them and so I press a specific one and this secret door opens, and then there’s a really cool ice tunnel that's all glittery. And-" he laughed, "this is where it gets weird."

"Oh because before this it was perfectly normal."

"Pretty much. So at the end of the tunnel, there's a fancy chair, and _you’re_ sitting on it, and you're totally naked, except for some glitter.”

"I swear I am naked in all of your dreams."

"Yeah a bit, and behind you is a cage with Angel is in it, but he's tiny, like the size of a hamster, and he's wearing our emoji merch shirt. And apparently, you're super evil, and I have to pay you to get Angel back, cause Angel is my boyfriend. And the ring is payment. But then when I try to give it to you, you try to seduce me-"

"Realistic."

Phil laughed. "And then I have to decide between like freeing my boyfriend by cheating on him or letting him stay in the cage forever. And I'm like still deciding when Buffy breaks into the room, and then she kicks all of our asses."

"Wow... that really says a lot about you."

2016

"Keep your eyes closed," said Dan as he led him by the hand. 

"Should I be scared?"

"No, I'm not gonna kill you on your birthday."

"I love reassurance."

They passed the threshold of Dan's room. There were lit candles strategically around the room and a slim black square package on the bed. Dan sat down next to it. "Okay, you can open your eyes."

"Pretty," said Phil as his eyes went around the room and then landed on his boyfriend. They had spent the night out at a rather fancy restaurant, and he looked beautiful all dressed up. Phil approached the bed slowly, they had had a fair bit of wine. 

"Wait, I have something to give you," said Dan as he grabbed the package. "A final birthday gift."

"Oh?" Phil grabbed it. It shaped like a book but felt much lighter. "Is it like a poster? Or a piece of phan art you really liked?"

Dan laughed. "Maybe."

Phil ripped open the package, and then for a moment was perfectly, serenely quiet. In his hands was a signed picture of David Boreanaz naked in a bath. His face was serial-killer serious, and his hand was snaking down his body. The shot was cropped to keep it very PG 13 but it was... it was... Phil looked up at Dan: "Why would you get me this?"

"It's what you like."

Phil burst out laughing as he fell onto the bed next to Dan. "This picture... it's so wrong."

"I know you think it's hot."

"No, it's terrible! What am I supposed to do with this?"

Dan kissed him. "Get inspiration from it."

"From that? From David Boreanaz's _I'm gonna kill you_ face? That's what you think I'm into?"

"Hey, I'm not judging mate."

Phil kissed him. "Believe me that's not what I like," his fingers began undoing the buttons of Dan's shirts. "But thank you, this will terrify and intrigue me to my last waking moments."

Dan grinned. "That was the plan."

2017

"Absolutely not," said Dan. 

"Oh, come on, do I ever ask for anything?"

Dan's eyes widened. "Just this morning, I brought coffee, found your charger, and rebuttered your toast because apparently, it wasn't calorie-infested enough"

Phil plopped down on the sofa next to him. "Come on Dan, it'll be fun!"

His eyes narrowed. "Fun?"

"Just look at it!" He said as he held up his phone again. It was showing a duvet cover for their new bedroom, and it showed a giant image of Buffy Summer's head against a red background. 

"I am looking at it and I sincerely hope your joking."

Phil looked nonplused. "Why would I kid about this? I mean look at her?" He pushed the phone up almost to Dan's face. 

"Phiiiiil..." Dan whined pushing it away and seriously looking at him. "This is going to be the first, private joint bedroom we ever have, does Buffy have to be a part of this?"

"I mean, she doesn't have to be, but I'd be nice."

Dan rolled his eyes. The most ridiculous thing about this utterly ridiculous suggestion was that part of him wanted to go along with it just to see Phil be this giddy and happy. It almost didn't even matter how garish and ugly the thing was. He rolled his eyes. "Really? In our adult bedroom? You, a thirty-year-old, want bed sheets with Buffy?"

Phil laughed. "Why do you have to make it sound so weird."

"Phil! It is weird! And we are not having those! I'd rather you get another cardboard cut-out."

"Oh, my god, I'd forgotten I'd had that!"

"I'll never forget," said Dan solemnly. "You're such a weirdo." He leaned forward and kissed him. 

"It's on sale and everything," said Phil with a pout.

"Sorry, hard veto," Dan replied looping his arms around his boyfriend's neck. "You agreed to an aesthetic moon room."

"And Buffy goes perfectly with that, it's always a full moon in Sunnydale."

"No."

"Fine," said Phil leaning in to kiss him again. "You know what they're also selling?"

"Phil, if it's Buffy condoms I swear to god..."

He laughed. "No, it's wholesome!"

Dan narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Okay, what then?"

He grabbed his phone and showed Dan and imagine of Sunnydale High hoodie. "Awww, like your t-shirt!"

"Yeah, the one you always used to steal from me."

"It's cozy wearing your clothes."

"Should I get it then, splurge, it's not on sale."

"Yeah, that's like a million times better than the creepy bedsheets."

"Okay, we can now wear matching Buffy merch."

Dan laughed. "How romantic!"

2018

It was 7 Am, and Phil was not a morning person. He had his head on his keyboard staring at the blank wall in front of him. He couldn't remember the last time he had gotten up this early of his own volition. Usually, it was because he had a show or flight or appointment. But today he had decided to set an alarm clock for 6:45 and had miraculously actually gotten up rather than just stuff his phone into his pillow like usual. 

But what now? Getting up was only a bit of it. Now came the real thing. Actually creating something. And that was the hardest thing Phil knew. Well, at least the beginning was. It got easier as you went along. You began building patterns, going off of other ideas, but the beginning was the real problem. There was nothing as intimidating as a blank word document.

He lifted his head and stared at his laptop. "I can do this," he assured himself. After all, he knew this story, he had been molding in his head for years. He knew what he wanted to create. Knew the characters. The plot. Sure, there was a lot that was not decided. Things he went back and forth on, different versions, but the essence of this project had been with him for a long time, so surely he could write it. Surely.

He put his hands over the keyboard, they linger there, hesitant. How was he supposed to start? Action? Description? Dialogue? How did things start? How did you make people care? Draw them in? He grabbed his cup of coffee and took a deep drink. He could do this. He had the idea. He had a plan for it. And now it looked like it might actually going to happen in 2019, so he needed to get started actually writing some of it down. 

He bit at his lip. Words. He needed to create words, to string them together, to make something that was different, and good, and full of complexity, like, well ideally like Buffy. A world with rich lore, and characters full of flaws and shortcomings, and relationships that were never stagnant, but that also knew how to laugh at itself. That was what he wanted. And do it he needed words. 

He started typing "The" and then stopped. What an ugly word to start anything with. He could not possibly bring himself to start anything with that word. He quickly deleted it. What had Buffy started with? He remembered the opening scene well. It had featured Darla, a blonde female vampire, luring a teenage boy and then in a very Buffy reversal of traditional gender roles, biting and killing him. But what had been the first line? 

Phil started a google search and easily found the script. He only intended to read the first part and see what the opening line to the show had been, but reading the script felt like a totally new way to watch Buffy. He could still see all the shots in his heads, the outfits, the actor's expressions, but he could also see how it all could have been different. 

Three hours later Dan came down for breakfast. "Get a lot of work done?" he said yawning as he began pouring himself some cereal.

"Not even a little bit," Phil whined. 

"Really? You got up and everything."

"Yeah, but I fell in a Buffy hole."

Dan laughed. "What episodes?"

"I have hit a new low, I'm actually reading all the season 1 scrips."

"Phil!" said Dan shaking his head. "Seasons 1 is terrible. It's like one of the worst seasons of TV I've ever seen."

"Blasphemy."

"Oh, come on, you know I love Buffy, but season 1 is bad. Why are you reading the scripts? I thought you were gonna write today?"

Phil sighed and took a drink of his third cup of coffee. "It's hard."

"Aw."

"And I want it to be good. And that's hard."

"And Buffy's helping with that is she?"

Phil groaned. "I don't know, but I guess I just wanna make something that people love as much as I love Buffy."

Dan stared at him. "I think we already have."

"Well, yeah, but not like –" he paused. "I mean I love what we do, and I know people love it. But making videos, and shows and stuff it's still all based on real things you know. Like us, and our dynamics, and the things we like. Creating a new world is totally different and more... intimidating?"

"I can see that," said Dan taking a seat at the counter. 

"Yeah, and I wanna build something that's like as good as Buffy."

"Almost anything is better than Buffy Season 1."

"And almost nothing is better than Buffy Season 5," Phil retorted. 

Dan laughed. "What I'm trying to say is that even the best stories sometimes have crap beginnings, so it's okay if yours does too."

Phil chuckled. "Thanks, Dan that’s actually quite encouraging."

He leaned across the table and kissed him. "Of course. Plus you know whatever you do, I'm gonna love it."

"Yeah but you're super bias, you like everything I do."

"Cause it's all... you."

Phil smiled. "Okay, now get out of here, I gotta write."

"This is the kitchen Phil, shouldn't you go to office or something."

"That's too far away from the coffee."

"Oh my god, how many cups have you had."

"Only three."

"It's 10 AM."

"I've been up since 7 and you're not my dad, now go so I can write," said Phil. 

He could hear Dan grumbling all the way down the hallway as he closed up all his Buffy searches and opened up his word document again. Dan was right. Beginnings could suck. Published beginnings could suck. And first draft beginnings could definitely suck. He bit his lip, closed his eyes, and let his mind wander through the plot and characters he had spent years creating. What was the first thing that came to his mind? The first image?

He laughed. The only thing he could really picture was the hallways of Sunnydale High. Suddenly he opened his eyes. That was a start. He could start it at the school. It wasn't anything like Sunnydale High but it was an important setting. He put his fingertips over the keyboards again, and tentatively began to type.

2019

"This is the most important decision we as a _family_ will ever make," said Phil with gravity as he walked up and down in front of the TV. "This is a momentous occasion and it's very important to select the right episode. I don't want him to get the wrong impression, you know-"

Sitting in the couch in front of him Dan was trying hard to keep a straight face. 

"It can't be anything too dark, or too loud, cause I don't want to scare him. But it has to be intriguing, you know, it has to really show him right away why this is the greatest piece of media ever created."

At this point Dan couldn't hold it in anymore and burst out laughing. "I can't believe it's ten fucking years later and you still take Buffy this seriously!"

"10 years? Try 20. Buffy's been with me twice as long as you have, and you know what she deserves to be taken seriously."

"You've literally been obsessing and ranting about this for like half an hour."

"It's an important decision."

"It's a fish!"

"No, it's Norman's first Buffy episode. It's a momentous event in our family history."

"Oh my god!" said Dan letting out a scream. "You're insane!"

"Don't scare the baby," said Phil pointing to the aquarium behind him.

"It's a fish!" said Dan again running his fingers through his hair. 

"How can you talk about our son that way?"

Dan rolled his eyes. "Just choose an episode, I'll make popcorn, and then Norman will be initiated into your weird-ass cult."

"But which episode Dan? Should we start off with the best AKA _Once more with feeling_ , or something sillier, like _Bad Candy_ , or like a truly underrated gem like _I only have eyes for you_?"

Dan took a moment. "Okay, let's say that you knew the world was gonna end in forty-five minutes, what episode of Buffy would you watch?"

Phil frowned. "That's a weird question. I mean if I only had like forty-five minutes to live I wouldn't use them watching Buffy."

"What would you do?"

"Be with you obviously," said Phil taking a seat in the couch next to him. 

"Oh..." Dan wasn't sure why but that surprised him. "Like have sex, or what would we do?"

"Mmm I don't know, I think I'd just wanna like hold you and kiss you," said Phil as he lay his hand over Dan's and intertwined their fingers. "You know I love you more than Buffy right?"

Dan let out a chuckle. "I mean, I've had my doubts over the years mate."

Phil kissed his cheek and lay his head on Dan's shoulder. "I love you more than anything." They sat in silence for a moment, leaning into each other, then Dan said:

"Wasn't there an episode where the Sunny High Swim team gets injected with Fish DNA?"

"Oh, my God, I _do_ love you," said Phil kissing him. "That's the perfect episode to watch!" He turned his head towards the aquarium. "Norman you are going to love this!"

**Author's Note:**

> I would have never thought to write something like this, but once I got started I kept coming up with new ideas. Thank you so much for this prompt, and happy holidays!


End file.
